Thursday, July 21, 2011

Everything You Never Wanted to Know...

Whelp... it's about that time.

This morning as I sat in the kitchen watching yesterday's exceptionally funny episode of "Melissa and Joey" (seriously... it was great) and waiting for the Qwest man to come fix our phone line, I popped a couple of slices in the toaster for a mid-morning snack. Somewhere between putting the bread in the toaster and finishing the episode, Qwest man came, which was good for the phone line... but unfortunate for my toast, which sat neglected for nearly an hour.

Needless to say, my toast was cold. And I was sad. Because what can you do with cold toast? There really isn't any way for it to continue being toast. If you toast it again, it burns. If you microwave it, it is no longer toasty. You can make it into a turkey or grilled cheese sandwich, but then it becomes a meal, and all I wanted was a snack.

Cue Google.

Yep. It happened. I googled 'cold toast'.

Initially, I was just hoping to salvage my snack, but--as is the case with most google searches--I ended up stumbling upon an endless amount of cold toast knowledge that I never really cared to learn, but some of which I deemed share-worthy. Enjoy.

1. Cold toast has its own Facebook page. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that someone somewhere has dedicated a Facebook page to discussing such a thing, but it's still a little hard to believe, right? Anyway, upon further examination, I determined that this particular page was in favor of cold toast in all its "quirky goodness." Apparently, there are at least 420 people in the Facebook community that prefer cold toast to warm, toasty... toast. Not to worry though, cold-toast-haters... because I went on to discover...

2. The 'I Hate Cold Toast!' Facebook page. Interestingly enough, in the Facebook community, less people dislike cold toast than those who enjoy it. (Or, less people care about hating cold toast enough to 'like' the page than those who are adamant about how great it is.) Even MORE interesting though is that both groups have opted to use the SAME cold toast picture in an effort to emphasize their opposing points:

3. There is a band named Cold Toast. Well, there was a band. Unfortunately for us all, they disbanded in 2010. They claim to be of the 'experimental electronic folk pop rock' genre. You can download their music here for free. 
aaaaaaand... there they are. Their faces suggest that they are NOT fans of cold toast, and yet,
who names their band after something they dislike?

Last, but certainly not least...

4. A scientist, "who has invested time, energy and his considerable brain power to ascertain the best method to enjoy [marmalade]" suggests that it should always be eaten on cold toast. (If you think I'm joking, you can read the article here.) Apparently, it tastes better that way. There have been studies. More than anything, I would like to find out how one becomes a scientist that researches breakfast foods for a living... and actually makes a living, but for now, I won't quit my day job.


Even though the search was somewhat enlightening in terms of the world of toast, mine was still cold, and I was still unhappy, having been unsuccessful in my quest to find an acceptable re-heating technique. 

So I ate it cold. and dry. 

... at least our phone works again.