JT ain't got nothin' on me...

WARNING: This post contains Breaking Dawn spoilers... kind of.

While attending a midnight-ish showing of Breaking Dawn with my sisters last Friday, my brain made an unfortunate (for me) connection between a particular scene and Justin Timberlake's annoyingly catchy tune "Sexy Back." If you haven't heard it, the rest of this post will make even less sense than the no sense that it makes now. (What? Ok.) You can listen here, although I'm not sure I should recommend that you do so because since then, it has been relentlessly attacking my brain, encouraging me to finish the new set of lyrics that I innocently began forming that night. In an attempt to give my brain a rest, and at the request of the above-mentioned sisters (yes, Megan. That includes you), I present the finished product. This one's for you, girls.

Ahem...

"Alpha Back"

He’s takin’ Alpha back (yeah)

Those other werewolves won’t know how to act (yeah)

He best be careful ‘fore they all attack (yeah)  

‘Cuz  Sam is willin’ to call out the pack… (yeah)

      (Take’em to the bridge)

What a babe…

Our little pup is old enough to shave

And now those rights as leader that he gave

Are flowing back just like a tidal wave

     (Take em to the chorus!)

Hold your breath

     (They threatened Bella)

Here comes Seth            

     (Jake thinks she’s swell…a)

Leah, too

 (For Edward’s wife)

Unlikely crew

  (He'll risk his life)

That’s all that he’s workin’ with

  (‘cuz Renesmee)

Changed since Eclipse

  (Was born today)

Guard the vamps

  (imprint surprise)

Like werewolf champs

  (and someone dies)

Get your Alpha on

     (Go ‘head be gone with it)

Get your Alpha on

     (Go ‘head be gone with it)

Get your Alpha on

     (Go ‘head be gone with it)

Get your Alpha on

He’s takin’ alpha back (yeah)

He gave it up but now he’s back on track (yeah)

And although Sam was pickin’ up his slack (yeah)

The rightful alpha is still Jacob Black (yeah)

You're welcome. 

This one's for you Grandpa...

With Love, from an English major

and.... SHE'S BACK! 

Everything You Never Wanted to Know...

Whelp... it's about that time.

This morning as I sat in the kitchen watching yesterday's exceptionally funny episode of "Melissa and Joey" (seriously... it was great) and waiting for the Qwest man to come fix our phone line, I popped a couple of slices in the toaster for a mid-morning snack. Somewhere between putting the bread in the toaster and finishing the episode, Qwest man came, which was good for the phone line... but unfortunate for my toast, which sat neglected for nearly an hour.

Needless to say, my toast was cold. And I was sad. Because what can you do with cold toast? There really isn't any way for it to continue being toast. If you toast it again, it burns. If you microwave it, it is no longer toasty. You can make it into a turkey or grilled cheese sandwich, but then it becomes a meal, and all I wanted was a snack.

Cue Google.

Yep. It happened. I googled 'cold toast'.

Initially, I was just hoping to salvage my snack, but--as is the case with most google searches--I ended up stumbling upon an endless amount of cold toast knowledge that I never really cared to learn, but some of which I deemed share-worthy. Enjoy.

1. Cold toast has its own Facebook page. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that someone somewhere has dedicated a Facebook page to discussing such a thing, but it's still a little hard to believe, right? Anyway, upon further examination, I determined that this particular page was in favor of cold toast in all its "quirky goodness." Apparently, there are at least 420 people in the Facebook community that prefer cold toast to warm, toasty... toast. Not to worry though, cold-toast-haters... because I went on to discover...

2. The 'I Hate Cold Toast!' Facebook page. Interestingly enough, in the Facebook community, less people dislike cold toast than those who enjoy it. (Or, less people care about hating cold toast enough to 'like' the page than those who are adamant about how great it is.) Even MORE interesting though is that both groups have opted to use the SAME cold toast picture in an effort to emphasize their opposing points:

3. There is a band named Cold Toast. Well, there was a band. Unfortunately for us all, they disbanded in 2010. They claim to be of the 'experimental electronic folk pop rock' genre. You can download their music here for free. 

aaaaaaand... there they are. Their faces suggest that they are NOT fans of cold toast, and yet,

who names their band after something they dislike?

Last, but certainly not least...

4. A scientist, "who has invested time, energy and his considerable brain power to ascertain the best method to enjoy [marmalade]" suggests that it should always be eaten on cold toast. (If you think I'm joking, you can read the article here.) Apparently, it tastes better that way. There have been studies. More than anything, I would like to find out how one becomes a scientist that researches breakfast foods for a living... and actually makes a living, but for now, I won't quit my day job.

Even though the search was somewhat enlightening in terms of the world of toast, mine was still cold, and I was still unhappy, having been unsuccessful in my quest to find an acceptable re-heating technique. 

So I ate it cold. and dry. 

... at least our phone works again.

Wednesday 'Why': Herc and the Bachelorette, redboxing, and the number one movie I never wanted to see that made me cry

For all of you who have requested the return of the Wednesday 'Why'... and you know who you are... here goes:

Monday night I had the privilege (it took me three tries and one dictionary to spell 'privilege'. I wish I was joking)  of watching The Bachelorette with Brooke and Megan instead of by myself on hulu the next day like I usually do. I'm happy to say that watching with them makes an otherwise boring season wonderfully enjoyable. You may recall that a couple posts back I mentioned the similar physical appearance to Hercules of one contender for Ashley's heart. If you don't remember, here he is again:

Unfortunately, Hercu-Nick's godly physique wasn't enough to win her over and was sent packing. Not to worry though! The girls argued that there is another hopeful fellow that better fits the cartoon-y profile and that I had previously overlooked:

None other than our favorite Ivy-leaguer himself... Ames. After giving it a little too much thought, I decided that Ames' features are truer to cartoon Herc, where Nick could play the character in a Disney theme park. Luckily, Hamesules (Herculames?) is still very much in the game despite the mild concussion he received during an ill-conceived boxing group date. The question is...

Why does Hercules keep creepin' into The Bachelorette instead of staying in his Disney film where he belongs? 

Seriously though... any version of Herc--be it the hunky cartoon, or just a real-life look-a-like--is too good for the likes of Ashley, no matter how 'perFACT' she thinks he might be for her.

...In other news, we visited redbox last night for the first time in a long time to rent Waiting For Forever, which was filmed in Utah, had many a familiar face, and was a lot better than I expected it to be. Red was feeling generous, or I guess just looking to prey on an unsuspecting victim like myself and offered a second movie at only 50 cents. Naturally I accepted. Which brings me to the final part of my post: What is the number one movie I never wanted to see that made me cry that I should be but am strangely not embarrassed to admit?

... um, yeah. 

 

An Original Redneck Love Poem

Note: This post PWNS my blogging hiatus

(Pwn: v. - To dominate, defeat, or conquer)

A few weeks ago, I found this book on a clearance table at Barnes and Noble:

Naturally, I purchased it. Four dollars, twenty-five cents, and a couple hours later, my good friends (BrookeandMegan) and I were crying slash peeing our pants with laughter as we learned all sorts of words that we never knew existed. (Let it be known that this book isn't nearly as funny unless you read it late at night when you are super tired and/or drunk) Since then, the book has proved to not only be an incredible source of entertainment, but also an effective learning tool. In an effort to share what I have learned with all (six) of you, I have written my very first Redneck Love Poem. Enjoy. 

Redneck Love Poem

I was at the bar a few weeks back

I'd gondolier at the women with my buddy Jack

But cupid done shot me with his bow narrow

when I spotted a gal o'er by the big stuffed sparrow.

I knew I never met herbivore

'cuz I Nevada girl with six teeth or more.

When I pointed her out, Jack said "That's Madge. She's great!

And your taste has improved because magistrate!

So I'm talon you... Go grab her tension!"

And heathen left before I could mention

that I've always had disability

to cause women to respond to me with hostility.

But I really wanted this gallon my side

'cuz e'en though I'd lacquer thinner, she'd make a purty good bride.

So I moved mass over and cauterize, 

butter friend disfigured I was one of those guys

who lays Zion a paranormal girls

and only wants trip off their clothes and their pearls.

So she hollered at me "We ain't a couple of hoes!"

But Madge just smiled and said "Yellow."

I said, "You probably shunt leave your sis,

but where a date ain't good for three, fortuitous.

Now, I didn't make Pacific plans,

but moan take you by your purty hands

and ask if you'll data Redneck like me."

She nodded her head, and I shouted "Yipee!"

Well, monorail streak 'cuz I've made her my wife.

This isn't what I would have planned for my life,

but I mascara lot for her since we're still linked,

'cuz she smells real nice and my recent extinct.

So darlin', I love you. Saint just a fling.

I brought you some flyers and here I will sing

that I thank the Crater for sending you here

'cuz without you I'd be havin' to fetch my own beer.

...See. I TOLD you this post PWNS my blogging hiatus.

 

PS- I think this poem would make a KILLER Redneck Love Song if anyone wants to create us a tune. Just throwin' that out there.

Blog Fail Make-Up: What I'm Watching, Reading, and a Human Cartoon

I had a total blog fail this week... so in an attempt to keep myself from becoming blog stagnant, here's a little something.

- Bentley continued to stir up trouble on the Bachelorette this week, but the REAL highlight of the episode for me was THIS guy:

For those of you who don't watch, this is Nick. He's a personal trainer from... er... somewhere... and I'm also pretty sure he is the non-cartoony version of THIS guy:

I mean, he's a little less glowy, and a little less 'hunk-ules' but the similarities are there. As I watched the episode a second time with Brooke and Megan yesterday, every time he appeared on screen I would giggle and say 'Hercules!' (I don't think they appreciated it) Except for being a cartoon celebrity look-a-like, he seems to lean a little towards the 'dry toast' side of the personality scale. We'll see how far he makes it.

- I have been in the process of watching One Tree Hill (The best show ever made)  from beginning to end for the second time since it first aired, and as I started Season 6 the other day, mom realized she has never seen it. (What?!) That was unacceptable, so we've been watching it together. I forgot how much I love this season and it's even BETTER with someone who hasn't experienced it before. 

- These are the books I'm currently reading:

Yes, there are seven. No, I am not kidding. I always read 2 or 3 books at a time, but this is slightly ridiculous. However, there is a method behind my madness (kind of). I've been re-reading Scott Westerfield's Uglies series because I never did read the final book and I needed to refresh my memory of the first three before I dive into the last. I'm nearly through the Pretty Little Liars series, which I started before the Westerfield books and I couldn't just stop without finishing. One Day is about to be released as a movie, so naturally I wanted to read the book before I see it. Beauty Queens came highly recommended by John Green, which is reason enough to give it a try. Yesterday, Megan gave me When It Happens and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner and I started reading them both because I was too lazy to come upstairs to get one of the books I'd already started, and finally, I'm reading Lament because I love Maggie Stiefvater's Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy (of which the third and final book will be released on July 12th and of which I have already pre-ordered) and only recently discovered that she'd written other books. Of course I am reading them all at once because I hate getting my hands on a book and not immediately beginning to read it. I'll let you know what is worth reading as I finish each one. 

Whew! So, there it is. A little something to make up for a blogless week. Even if you don't care about what I'm watching or reading, at least there was Nick-cules. You're welcome. 

Wednesday 'Why': Utah, Weirdos, and Reality TV

So... if you don't watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette, you probably won't care to read this post... but you probably should anyway. Maybe.

Today's Wednesday 'Why' is a little different, in that I haven't been able to come up with any acceptable answer. Feel free to let me know what YOU think.

The new season of The Bachelorette Premiered on Monday and promises to be as entertaining as ever, but after watching the episode, I was left wondering:

Why are all of the most ridiculous and hateable contestants on The Bachelor/ette from Utah?!

Technically, I'm only talking the last two seasons... but I feel like this is an unfortunate and somewhat disgracing trend for the majority of Utahns (aka those of us who are NOT crazy). 

Exhibit A:

Michelle 

Bachelor Season 15: Brad Womack

Michelle was--by far-- the most ridiculous contestant last season. A hairstylist from Salt Lake City, She was super obnoxious, weirdly possessive of Brad from the very beginning, and just... well, psycho. At one point in the season, she woke up one morning with a black eye, claiming to not have any idea how it happened. Creepy. I'm thinking that some of the crazy can be chalked up to editing, since she seemed fairly normal in the 'Women Tell All' episode... and it has been rumored that she was hired as an actress to be scary-psycho, but regardless of whether or not that is true, I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to see the movie she starred in recently (Midway to Heaven). 

Exhibit B:

Bentley 

Bachelorette Season 7: Ashley Hebert

We've only just been introduced to this piece of work, but it didn't take much to discover that Bentley has dirt bag potential. Apparently, Ashley received a call from a 'friend' (most likely Michelle) warning her that his fellow was only coming on the show to promote his career... or something. While I wouldn't normally take a proven psychopath's word, it only took the first episode to realize that Bentley is pretty much an A-hole. Here's the kicker-- Even after being warned about Bentley's sleeze-ball potential, Ashley STILL opted to give him a rose. I guess it wouldn't have suited to send this season's villain packing after only one night... but it's still enough to make me shake a fist at her. 

I realize that reality TV hardly attracts the cream of the crop, but back-to-back seasons featuring less-than-stellar Utahn contestants? Oy vey. Not exactly the image Utah wants to portray. (Unintentional rhyme) I am officially submitting my application to appear on the next Bachelor season to show the world that we don't breed weirdos here... 

"Hooded Weirdos"

... or not. 

Happy Wednesday!

-Once upon a time, I was going to post my thoughts on season finales. It hasn't happened yet. (Obviously) It may or may not still happen.-

Why I didn't do a Wednesday Why

I couldn't really come up with anything good for my 'Wednesday Why' because I was having Season Finale overload (more on that in a later post... tomorrow... maybe.) 

Anyhoo...To make up for slacking off, here is probably the cutest video you will ever see, compliments of Elder Nathan in Africa: 

Seriously... what could be better than that?! 

Happy Wednesday.

Stephanie At the Dentist

I've always hated the dentist. (Not the nice man, himself... I've had pretty ok dentists over the years) REPHRASE: I've always hated going to the dentist. Mostly because the hygienist would judge me for not flossing, and then as punishment for not flossing, She would play a little game called 'how bad can we make Stephanie's gums bleed by jamming floss up in there.' (NOT a fun game) Anyway, I digress. The point is, I don't hate the dentist anymore. I actually don't mind going at all. Perhaps I just grew up and accepted that it was going to happen every 6 months whether I wanted it to or not, or possibly this dentist's office is 31687354368 times better than any of the others. 

Until today. 

I had to go in this morning to have a cavity filled (my first in probably 6 years. No joke.) Naturally, I was a little nervous. It had been a while and I couldn't remember what to expect, but I was surprisingly ok not only with going back into the office for a second time this month, but also with an 8 am appointment. (I know, right?)

So... they take me back, and the hygienist asks me if I'd like to watch tv while they worked on me. 

me: Sure!

her: What channel would you prefer?

me: Oh, anything is fine. I'm hardly ever up this early so I don't even know what's on.

her: 2? 4? 5?

me: Let's go with 2.

BAD DECISION, STEPHANIE. You'll never guess that the guest on The Early Show this morning was none other than:

 our beloved President (or something), Obama-rama. So here I am, at the DENTIST, at 8 in the morning, watching OBAMA... on mute. (It gets worse) 

-Note: I think his public speaking skills are lacking. He has an awkward cadence and seems to stumble over his words a lot of the time. I realize not everyone will agree, but I don't enjoy hearing him speak. Or watching him speak while muted.

Dr. Dentist then comes in and sticks a big needle in my gums. Multiple times. As he does so, you'll never guess what is playing on the radio... none other than my favorite cat-faced artist (sarcasm... minus the cat-face part. That's true)

Taylor Swift. (For anyone who doesn't know, I'm like the anti-fan of Taylor Swift. She looks like a malnourished cat, and she sings hella whiny songs)

RECAP: I was at the DENTIST... at 8 in the MORNING... watching OBAMA on mute... and listening to TAYLOR SWIFT whine on the radio... with a big NEEDLE being shoved into my gums. 

To top it all off, I was able to feel much of the drilling despite the best efforts of my friend, Novocaine.

Luckily, the drilling only lasted like 2 minutes, and I was out the door on my way home within 30. I still like this dentist and his office. They are super efficient and friendly. After all, it isn't really their fault that I chose channel 2, or that Obama is even more obnoxious when muted and dubbed over with a cat-faced celebrity singing whiny teenage songs... and I could have said something about the drilling, but it wasn't that bad. 

...but I AM really glad it's over. See you in October, Dr. Dentist. 

Wednesday Why: Why I Love Free Theater Tickets

Note: I think I did a pretty excellent job writing this post without including any spoilers... just in case someone still wants to see either work discussed. Go Me.

I'd been hearing advertisements on the radio for this musical for quite a while:

I didn't know anything about it, except that it had to do with Hollywood, the music had been written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, and it was playing at Pioneer Theater. I love Hollywood, I  love the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, and I love Pioneer Theater, so naturally I wanted to see it. My dad had mentioned that he had seen it in New York and didn't like it, but I still thought I might enjoy it if I could somehow come up with the cash to go.

 Luckily for me, Megan's grandparents found themselves unable to use their tickets to the Monday night show, and so I got to go with her. I'll rarely say no to anything free, but in this particular case, this is why I love free theater tickets:

If the show isn't worth the money, you don't have to feel buyer's remorse.

I can definitely say that Sunset Boulevard was worth what I paid. (Just in case you forgot already... the tickets were free) The story seems promising when you read the synopsis:

"Based on the 1950 film of the same title, the plot revolves around Norma Desmond, a faded star of the silent screen era, living in the past in her decaying mansion on the fabled Los Angeles street. When young screenwriter Joe Gillis accidentally crosses her path, she sees in him an opportunity to make her comeback to the big screen. Romance and tragedy follow."

-Courtesy of Wikipedia... the greatest source of 

possibly true information ever-

Romance? Yes. Tragedy? Absolutely. But what they fail to mention is that most of the romance is anything but romantic (in fact, it's a little creepy. Or a lot.) and the tragedy is that you sat through the entire thing. I'd rather read the synopsis than actually see the show.


Ok. It wasn't THAT bad. The music was actually fantastic and the actors were incredibly talented. It really was just the story that disturbed me. Some of the characters and relationships seemed super under-developed where I thought that they could have been explored a little more fully. Some of the relationships just never should have happened because they kind of gave me nightmares. Speaking of nightmares, Norma Desmond (main-character and certifiable loon) looked like this:

No joke. I'm pretty sure Ysma was Norma Desmond in a pre-animated life. Overall, I can honestly say I would never pay money to see this show... but I was happy to be disappointed in and slightly creeped out by it for free.


Speaking of disappointment...  I saw Something Borrowed last night. I've been waiting WEEKS for a good chick-flick movie (because there has been an incredible lack of good chick movies at the theaters lately) and all my hopes were shattered in this one. Maybe it was just leftover disappointment from the theater the day before, or maybe I expected too much, but I really REALLY didn't like how it ended. Now I must get my hands on the book and see if it has anything better to offer, or at least a little more detail as to why it ended the way it did. 


In other news... my birthday is this Friday! Here's to hoping that all this disappointment doesn't make it to the weekend. 

Food + Family + Fone Calls + Fapresents= Fantastic Famother's Day.

Been trying to come up with a real blog title... Unfortunately, after spending an unspecified amount of time (because I would be embarrassed to admit how long I spent thinking about it instead of doing anything that was most likely more important) the best I could come up with was 'Blaarrrgghh', which is pretty much just a manifestation of my frustration with not having any ideas.

... It does kind of sound like an ogre trying to say 'blog' though...

I think I like it. For now.

Moving on. This post comes to you in ONE part.

Part One: Mother's Day. Mother's Day was great, mostly because I have the best mom in the world, but also because all of my siblings that are currently residing in this country were able to come spend the day. Here are some highlights:

Highlight #1: Cole and Chris made dinner. We had the BEST grilled chicken, cheese tortellini, caesar salad, and garlic bread EVER. Not only did it taste great, it was nice for mom and my sisters to have a break from the kitchen on their special day.

Highlight #2: Presents. This year, my siblings and I got my mom something I knew she wanted to have:

Her very own copy of the 1998 Eighth Edition of Mosby's GenRx: The Complete Reference for Generic and Brand Drugs/! ... Now, I know what you're thinking ("Um...what would ANYONE want with a stupid old drug book?!) Come on, guys, Don't judge a book by it's cover. It's what's inside that counts:

We knew she wanted Season five of Bones, but I figured that just wrapping it would be boring, and I didn't want her to be able to look at the size and shape of the package and know it was a DVD, so after a quick trip to the local DI to find the biggest and most obscure book they had, 2 dollars, and a box knife, I was able to turn a somewhat boring gift into a pretty good laugh. It was priceless to see the look on her face as she tried to figure out if it was some sort of joke without offending any of us or admitting she didn't get it. 

And what's a good present without a good card? (Before I show you the card I ended up with, let me just take a moment to acknowledge the complete lack of good greeting cards these days... and by 'good' I mean cards that aren't mushy, cheesy, touchy-feely, and/or rhyming. I looked in more than one place and only found TWO acceptable mother's day cards. And those two were nearly 5 bucks each. Ridiculous. So, naturally I opted to make my own...)

-Front-

-inside-

... That's seriously the cheapest ass I've ever seen. It doesn't get much better than 75% off. Ok, I admit that I didn't come up with that on my own. I borrowed the idea from one of the two acceptable cards I found in the store... but my card was a billion times better... and it didn't cost me anything. 

Highlight #3 and #4: Missionary Phone Calls. Talking to the Elders Kenner is always something I look forward to on Mother's Day and Christmas. This time, it was even more exciting than usual. With Nathan, it was because it was the last phone call we get with him before he comes HOME!! I can't even believe it's already been nearly 2 years and I can't wait to see him again (even though he refuses to be reminded of how soon his time in Africa will be up) I miss him so much! He may not be counting the days... but I sure am! 

For Daniel, it was because of this: 

Not only did we get to TALK to him, we were able to SEE him!!! I'd never really used Skype before, but I am definitely a fan. Dan was able to see how much Lucas and Kyle have grown, as well as his newest nephew, Jack. I was able to watch him nearly pee his trousers with laughter when I showed him my brilliant mother's day card and when I reminded him of a heated argument over whether or not a certain someone was able to bench-press an elephant:

But most importantly, we were able to make faces at each other. Seriously... I didn't have much to say, but we spent a good amount of time pulling faces... Proof?

-The Dan we all know and love-

-and again... best.face.ever.-

-and again-

-aaaaaand... again.-

Oh man. I miss him, too. The only thing better than having a brother on a mission... is having TWO!  

I guess the day can be summed up in a simple 'F' word equation: 

Food + Family + Fone calls + Fapresents = FANTASTIC Famother's day. 

(Also, a shout out to Megan for taking my Sunday shift at work so I could participate in these festivities. You're the best.)

Wednesday 'Why': Why haven't I seen this movie before now?!

(Note: This was NOT my original Wednesday 'Why' question. Ah, spontaneity.)

 Brooke, Megan and I made plans yesterday to see this:

and it was excellent. Not kidding. I loved it. However, Probably the best part of the movie was when I stepped up to the ticket counter and said, "One ticket to Prom, please" and then immediately followed up my request with "Awww... I just bought a ticket to Prom! Flashback!" 

Um...Yeah. I totally said that. 

Luckily, ticket counter guy laughed instead of telling me I was a moron, so I didn't feel as ridiculous. Brooke and Megan also laughed, but they should be used to me by now. Anyway, as I said before, the movie was excellent, filled with typical teenage angst over a small shed on the school property burning down whilst containing ALL the decorations for Prom and therefore threatening to RUIN the most important night in the life of all 17 year olds... among other things. I'll take a moment to point out that I love teenage angst movies. Especially when Disney is involved. And I am not afraid to admit it. Nor am I being sarcastic. Seriously. I don't ever remember romanticizing prom night to the extent that the characters do, but I found myself feeling nostalgic for a time when my biggest worry was what to wear to a dance and who to go with. Ok, I don't think those things were ever my biggest worry, but it's nice to remind myself that high school was great. And also that I don't miss it. At all. 

But that wasn't the movie to which I was referring in my 'Why' question. 

Prom got out just before 10, and none of us were ready to go home, so we immediately decided to choose another movie to see. (NOTE: Tuesdays at the movie theater are only $6.25 all day long, so two movies are only slightly more expensive than one movie on any other day.) We went back to the ticket counter and bought tickets to this:

Naturally, we purchased these tickets from the same ticket counter guy as before, who smiled and shook his head a little asking how our first movie was, but probably thinking 'These girls are ridiculous. Especially the one who made that crack about prom tickets earlier.' Anyway, THIS is where I ask the question:

Why Haven't I Seen This Movie Before Now?!

Weeks ago, my brother and his wife had said to me 'We saw Arthur last night and it was HILARIOUSLY amazing!' (Theyprobablydidn'tsay'hilariouslyamazing') I'd completely forgotten about it until last night. I'm not a huge fan of Russell Brand, but I love Helen Mirren, so I went in to it a little skeptical.

Oh.My.Goodness. I laughed so hard that I was in serious danger of wetting my brand new pair of Eddie Bauer Curvy Fit Bootcut Jeans. To hear Helen Mirren say 'Wash your winky' while wearing a Darth Vader voice-changing helmet was well worth my $6.25, and there were many more laughable moments throughout the entire film.

 Go.See.This.Movie.

Introducing the 'Wednesday Why'

Since I've decided it's pretty much impossible for me to do a Wordless Wednesday, I've decided to do a Wednesday Why... in which I answer a 'why' question. Why? Because 'why' is a doubleyou word that doubles as a question. A question seeks an answerer with an answer, and an answer requires words. I like words. Therefore, a 'Wednesday Why' is a much better fit for me. So... without further ado... today's Wednesday Why question is...


"Why was today such a good day?"

Answer(s):

(thisanswercomestoyouinthreeparts)

1. I checked the mail for the first time in 51687354 days (notthatmanydays) and was pleasantly surprised. BACKSTORY: We have a post office box and often go days without checking it. Dad is usually the one who remembers to go, so when he is out of town (note:heiscurrentlyoutoftown) we forget to go. However, as previously mentioned, I decided to stop by the box today. This is what I found...

5 of the 8 pieces (Idon'treallyknowhowmanypiecestherewere) of mail were for me!!! A graduation card from some awesome ward members, an official invite to Brooke's BFA show, and three missionary letters! YEEESS. I love me some mail. I guess not checking every day pays off when letters/cards/invitations stack up and allow for a post office box extravaganza!

2. After hitting up the post office, I stopped in at the library because something I had put on hold had come in. Much to my surprise, this little guy was waiting for me...

I've been DYING to read this book since I found out it was going to be made into a movie, but there were 64687435 holds (notthatmanybutalot) on it at the library, so I ended up seeing the movie first. I was like number 250 on the list, so I figured it would take a year to get a copy. Not so! I'll be sure to let y'all know how it is. 

3. Date night with mom! Mom and I haven't been able to spend a lot of time together this week so far because of our work schedules, so with dad out of town, we decided to have a dinner-movie night. We went to Firehouse Subs (Best. Sandwiches. Ever. Seriously) and then to the dollar movies to see Just Go With It. Super funny. Totally worth the buck. 

And that, my friends, is a 'Wednesday Why'. Now for a chocolatey baby:

... because for any of you NOT having a great day, what better cure for sorrow is there than a chocolate covered baby? (that sounds strangely cannibalistic) 

Happy Wednesday.

Soon to come:

- Graduating from College and a long-awaited return to Fillmore City

Word-full Wednesday: It Must Be Official...

Because my new t-shirt says so!

-spoils from my graduation preparation

 morning in Provo with mom-

I mean, what good is it to be a BYU Alumna if you don't have an item of clothing that declares it to be so?! 

NOTE- I'm mildly annoyed that my tassel places me in the Class of 2011 when I clearly graduated in 2010. grr. At least it is white and not brown (No Offense Brooke) 

A New Lou (An unusual, but incredible fairy tale of renovation)

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a loo. Named Lou.

Lou was just an ordinary loo residing in a fairly ordinary space. He was generally content with his surroundings, however, he sometimes dreamed of something greater.

It wasn't that he was unappreciated-no-his space was frequented often by three somewhat burly fellows who visited regularly

but despite their handsome and clean cut appearances, they habitually left all within the space feeling grimy and unattractive, including Lou.

 Occasionally, a beautiful young maiden would stop in to brush her teeth, use the mirror, or to scatter bottles, lotions and all sorts of beauty products across the counter, but she never stayed very long and didn't dare to enter the shower, fearing what the men may have left behind. Instead, she chose to journey to one of the other bathrooms in the house. Lou often wondered if his room would ever be beautiful and clean enough for her to feel comfortable using.

Years passed, and the three gentlemen and lady all traveled far, leaving Lou feeling alone and mostly abandoned. He grew to hate his ugly surroundings--the bland walls, the floor, half linoleum and half carpet (whoever thought carpet in a bathroom was a good idea must have had a few screws loose), and the dreadful shower, boxed in by water-stained glass doors. Although he feared he would never be acceptable enough to have visitors again, Lou tried to maintain a pleasant and positive attitude. He made friends with the creatures who passed through, and often held sing-a-long parties

One day, the maiden returned! Lou was so happy to see her again, but still constantly worried that his space wouldn't be beautiful enough for her... but the girl had an idea...

With the help of her insanely talented and creative mother and a few supplies, she would fix up the bathroom! Together, they removed Lou from his long-time home and began to renovate. First, they tore up the unsightly carpet and linoleum, replacing it with shiny new tile. 

Next, they painted over the bland walls with a vibrant new color...

When that was finished, they replaced all of the old fixtures--light switch covers, towel rods, drawer and cupboard knobs--and even replaced the unpleasant glass shower doors with a shower rod and a bright new shower curtain.

Lou watched all of this from the hallway where he had been carefully placed out of the way, becoming more and more excited with each new step of the process and patiently waiting for the glorious day when he would be able to return to his improved home. When that day finally game, he beamed as he took in his new surroundings...

- new curtain, towels, and towel rod-

-shower curtain-

-NOTE: I am proud to say that the counter has remained clean and clear of any

beauty product clutter since this project was completed... mostly thanks to the wall fixtures for my 

blow dryer/straightener as well as THIS sweet little addition...

... Removable drawers for easy access to all the junk I use, AND it holds extra towels... genius-

Everything was bright, shiny and new! Lou finally had a home he could be proud of and looked forward to spending endless days in the company of the beautiful maiden from now on, fully expecting to live happily ever after.

... at least until the boys return. 

The End.

Titles, Gifts, and Shooting Guns

This post comes to you in two parts, but first, a quick note about titles:

This blog is in serious need of a title. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to come up with anything that I like enough to use yet. I am now officially taking suggestions.

Ok. Moving on...

Part One: In Which Mom and Dad Award Me For Being Awesome

... ok. They actually awarded me for graduating from college, but the fact that I graduated from college makes me pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. (And I do) It has always been a goal of mine to attend and graduate from BYU, and I've done it! Anyway, I graduated back in December, but since it was so close to Christmas, and the actual commencement ceremony isn't until April, mom and dad decided to hold off on getting me a graduation present... until last night. That's right my friends! Today I am coming to you from my brand new gorgeous, shiny, perfect laptop! Now, before anyone else asks, no... it isn't a Mac (the only mac I know my way around is the kind that comes with powdered cheese. Yummy) It is, however, perfect for my purposes.

Here he is, folks:

-Proof of  Beauty... so shiny-

The best part about it? (May I draw your attention to the lower right corner of the picture above) IT HAS A 10 KEY PAD!!! yeeeeess. Seriously. One of the main reasons why I wasn't ever keen on owning a laptop is because most of them lack this crucial component. Problem: SOLVED.

So, thank you to my amazing parents, not only for this incredibly generous gift, but also for always encouraging me to obtain an education, and supporting me in everything I want to do.

Now... on to

Part Two: In Which I Finally Get To Go Shooting

I'm not talking about THIS kind of shooting...

-my buddies and I 4523413 years ago at the Tooele Fair Grounds for the Keith Urban Concert...

 that's me with a 'hand' gun pointed at Mandy's head. :)- 

or even THIS kind of shooting...

But THIS kind of shooting...

er... kind of. (This picture was taken when I lived at Raintree down in Provo. Some guy came in to steal our food, but he ended up being shot and killed against our refrigerator by a PMSing roommate... or possibly, someone splattered ketchup on the freezer door and it looked too much like blood to leave it alone.)

It was actually more like this: 

BAM! (literally) 

The parentals and I went down to the shooting range a couple of weeks ago to see if I had any shooting skills. I think we were all pretty surprised at my aim. I admit, I was a tad scared to pull the trigger that first time, but after that, it was a blast... (literally) 

Here's the proof of my success:

-feel free to ignore that shot at the bottom and concentrate SOLELY on the shot RIGHT through

the middle of the target-

-NOTE: The bullet holes to the left of the silhouette's head were intentional. Dad drew a face

over there, making the silhouette a hostage being used as a body shield. The point was to shoot the 

bad guy without hurting the hostage. Mission: Accomplished- 

Pretty good for my first time, no? 

Next Up:

-A New Loo

-I Am A Word Doodler