Wednesday 'Why': Herc and the Bachelorette, redboxing, and the number one movie I never wanted to see that made me cry

For all of you who have requested the return of the Wednesday 'Why'... and you know who you are... here goes:

Monday night I had the privilege (it took me three tries and one dictionary to spell 'privilege'. I wish I was joking)  of watching The Bachelorette with Brooke and Megan instead of by myself on hulu the next day like I usually do. I'm happy to say that watching with them makes an otherwise boring season wonderfully enjoyable. You may recall that a couple posts back I mentioned the similar physical appearance to Hercules of one contender for Ashley's heart. If you don't remember, here he is again:

Unfortunately, Hercu-Nick's godly physique wasn't enough to win her over and was sent packing. Not to worry though! The girls argued that there is another hopeful fellow that better fits the cartoon-y profile and that I had previously overlooked:

None other than our favorite Ivy-leaguer himself... Ames. After giving it a little too much thought, I decided that Ames' features are truer to cartoon Herc, where Nick could play the character in a Disney theme park. Luckily, Hamesules (Herculames?) is still very much in the game despite the mild concussion he received during an ill-conceived boxing group date. The question is...

Why does Hercules keep creepin' into The Bachelorette instead of staying in his Disney film where he belongs? 

Seriously though... any version of Herc--be it the hunky cartoon, or just a real-life look-a-like--is too good for the likes of Ashley, no matter how 'perFACT' she thinks he might be for her.

...In other news, we visited redbox last night for the first time in a long time to rent Waiting For Forever, which was filmed in Utah, had many a familiar face, and was a lot better than I expected it to be. Red was feeling generous, or I guess just looking to prey on an unsuspecting victim like myself and offered a second movie at only 50 cents. Naturally I accepted. Which brings me to the final part of my post: What is the number one movie I never wanted to see that made me cry that I should be but am strangely not embarrassed to admit?

... um, yeah. 

 

An Original Redneck Love Poem

Note: This post PWNS my blogging hiatus

(Pwn: v. - To dominate, defeat, or conquer)

A few weeks ago, I found this book on a clearance table at Barnes and Noble:

Naturally, I purchased it. Four dollars, twenty-five cents, and a couple hours later, my good friends (BrookeandMegan) and I were crying slash peeing our pants with laughter as we learned all sorts of words that we never knew existed. (Let it be known that this book isn't nearly as funny unless you read it late at night when you are super tired and/or drunk) Since then, the book has proved to not only be an incredible source of entertainment, but also an effective learning tool. In an effort to share what I have learned with all (six) of you, I have written my very first Redneck Love Poem. Enjoy. 

Redneck Love Poem

I was at the bar a few weeks back

I'd gondolier at the women with my buddy Jack

But cupid done shot me with his bow narrow

when I spotted a gal o'er by the big stuffed sparrow.

I knew I never met herbivore

'cuz I Nevada girl with six teeth or more.

When I pointed her out, Jack said "That's Madge. She's great!

And your taste has improved because magistrate!

So I'm talon you... Go grab her tension!"

And heathen left before I could mention

that I've always had disability

to cause women to respond to me with hostility.

But I really wanted this gallon my side

'cuz e'en though I'd lacquer thinner, she'd make a purty good bride.

So I moved mass over and cauterize, 

butter friend disfigured I was one of those guys

who lays Zion a paranormal girls

and only wants trip off their clothes and their pearls.

So she hollered at me "We ain't a couple of hoes!"

But Madge just smiled and said "Yellow."

I said, "You probably shunt leave your sis,

but where a date ain't good for three, fortuitous.

Now, I didn't make Pacific plans,

but moan take you by your purty hands

and ask if you'll data Redneck like me."

She nodded her head, and I shouted "Yipee!"

Well, monorail streak 'cuz I've made her my wife.

This isn't what I would have planned for my life,

but I mascara lot for her since we're still linked,

'cuz she smells real nice and my recent extinct.

So darlin', I love you. Saint just a fling.

I brought you some flyers and here I will sing

that I thank the Crater for sending you here

'cuz without you I'd be havin' to fetch my own beer.

...See. I TOLD you this post PWNS my blogging hiatus.

 

PS- I think this poem would make a KILLER Redneck Love Song if anyone wants to create us a tune. Just throwin' that out there.

Blog Fail Make-Up: What I'm Watching, Reading, and a Human Cartoon

I had a total blog fail this week... so in an attempt to keep myself from becoming blog stagnant, here's a little something.

- Bentley continued to stir up trouble on the Bachelorette this week, but the REAL highlight of the episode for me was THIS guy:

For those of you who don't watch, this is Nick. He's a personal trainer from... er... somewhere... and I'm also pretty sure he is the non-cartoony version of THIS guy:

I mean, he's a little less glowy, and a little less 'hunk-ules' but the similarities are there. As I watched the episode a second time with Brooke and Megan yesterday, every time he appeared on screen I would giggle and say 'Hercules!' (I don't think they appreciated it) Except for being a cartoon celebrity look-a-like, he seems to lean a little towards the 'dry toast' side of the personality scale. We'll see how far he makes it.

- I have been in the process of watching One Tree Hill (The best show ever made)  from beginning to end for the second time since it first aired, and as I started Season 6 the other day, mom realized she has never seen it. (What?!) That was unacceptable, so we've been watching it together. I forgot how much I love this season and it's even BETTER with someone who hasn't experienced it before. 

- These are the books I'm currently reading:

Yes, there are seven. No, I am not kidding. I always read 2 or 3 books at a time, but this is slightly ridiculous. However, there is a method behind my madness (kind of). I've been re-reading Scott Westerfield's Uglies series because I never did read the final book and I needed to refresh my memory of the first three before I dive into the last. I'm nearly through the Pretty Little Liars series, which I started before the Westerfield books and I couldn't just stop without finishing. One Day is about to be released as a movie, so naturally I wanted to read the book before I see it. Beauty Queens came highly recommended by John Green, which is reason enough to give it a try. Yesterday, Megan gave me When It Happens and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner and I started reading them both because I was too lazy to come upstairs to get one of the books I'd already started, and finally, I'm reading Lament because I love Maggie Stiefvater's Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy (of which the third and final book will be released on July 12th and of which I have already pre-ordered) and only recently discovered that she'd written other books. Of course I am reading them all at once because I hate getting my hands on a book and not immediately beginning to read it. I'll let you know what is worth reading as I finish each one. 

Whew! So, there it is. A little something to make up for a blogless week. Even if you don't care about what I'm watching or reading, at least there was Nick-cules. You're welcome.