What to do when sleep has deliberately removed itself from your list of acceptable and desirable activities to engage in during the midnight hour (and the hours that follow...)

I was going to post about my Las Vegas vacation today, but instead I’ve decided to push the schedule back a little (check that schedule-pushing power!) Anyway, I couldn’t sleep last night and discovered a couple of surprising things about myself—and my name. Here is my list of activities when sleep is not an option:

1. Play Solitaire. I downloaded the BEST solitaire app ever and have since been a little bit obsessed with the game. That being said, whenever I have trouble sleeping, I often play a few (hundred) games while winding down from the day. Ok. Maybe not THAT many, but the point is, instead of helping my brain shut down for the night, this has begun to have the complete opposite effect and when I finally DO get to sleep, I dream of flying face cards against a felt green background. Needless to say, solitaire before bed is now a no no.


2. Solve your Rubik’s Cube. Since solitaire is officially out, I figured maybe I ought to exhaust my brain power by working on my Rubik’s cube skills. Yes... I have Rubik’s cube skills. My little brother taught me to solve one a while back and we used to have solving races before he left on his mission. By the time he gets home, I hope to be able to actually WIN one of those races. :) It’s been a while, so I’m ashamed to say that my best solving time is consistently over three minutes which is unacceptable. By the time my arms were too sore to solve, it was nearly 1 am and I’d only shaved 30 seconds or so off of my solving time.


3. Read a book. I’ve been re-reading An Abundance of Katherines over the past few weeks, so after I became frustrated enough to toss the cube across the room (partly because I wasn’t solving any faster and mostly because I SITLL wasn’t a bit tired) I picked up the book and read. By the time I was finished and—you guessed it—not sleeping, it was on to my next activity.


4. Anagram. So, Colin Singleton (the main character in the book mentioned above) is this child prodigy that worries about not achieving his genius potential, but more importantly, he loves to anagram. (Seriously, this book is awesome, and I’d tell you all to go out and read it, but that’s another can of worms for my post on reluctant recommendations.) Anyway, I’ve never been all that great at scrabble, but I love word play and since I was—yes—still awake, I thought I’d see what I could do with my own name. Not only did I FINALLY find the activity that could exhaust my brain enough to sleep, I also now understand Colin’s fascination with it. Turns out ‘stephanie kenner’ is a bit of an anagramming gold mine. Who knew?! Here are some of my favorites. With commentary, of course.


- Ten keep hare inns.
           First of all, lodging for rabbits? Awesome and worthwhile profession... and probably not easy. I mean, those guys multiply pretty quickly from what I understand. But to be one of TEN? That’s just a dream come true.


- He ran in keen step.
          I’ve always said that if you’re going to run, it oughta be keenly.


- I earn the pens, Ken!
          Yeah... jeez, Ken! You better think twice if you’re going to accuse Barbie of not earning her living! I mean not only does she work as a medical doctor, animal doctor, beauty queen, rock star, princess, athlete, lifeguard, lawyer, and chef (among other things), she EARNS THE PENS!!!


- Rake pennies then!
          Seriously, next time I complain about anything, I’m gonna stop and think about how it could be worse. You don’t want to exercise, Stephanie? You don’t want to do the dishes or your laundry? Well why don’t you rake pennies then?!?!


- Kneepants! In here!
          Britches, I’ve been looking for you all day. Are you telling me you’ve been in here the whole time?!


- In the sneaker pen.
          Hey, fellas. Has anybody seen my new pair of chucks?
         I’m pretty sure they’re in the sneaker pen where you left them.


- Spank teen in here.
          ... I better stop before things get out of hand.








... in other news, my phone keeps turning on Bluetooth without my permission today and I can’t figure out how to make it stop. Blasted technology.